Wheel of misfortune

 Wheel of misfortune

A week before I was just hovering around the channels in my cable TV and I came across a very powerful line from a movie that says " You can't make someone love you, love is always about luck. It doesn't matter how much you love someone, if your luck is not going your way you will never get whatever you have desired." It struck me hard. My name is Watson and this is my wheel of misfortune. I am a writer by profession and I have started writing for that one special person in my life whom I met some 8 yrs back. This story will take you to a journey of my misfortune and might give you a lesson to learn what to do and what not to. You know, what is considered to be the most difficult thing to do in an entire world. It's to ask someone to come over his comfort zone and deliver the awkward thing. Let me explain to you by giving you an example. I was always an introvert soul, whatever I felt I used to keep it within me, or else I would scribble it down in a diary to express my love, grief, happiness. If you ask me to express my love to the person it would be the most difficult thing for me. It's just like going against my comfort zone. Therefore, I started writing to express my love for this one particular person whom I think I loved the most and was never able to express her for 8 long years. Her name was Sherry and she was an epitome of good looks and simplicity. Her smile made me lose my heart. If you will ask me to write something on Sherry, I can perhaps write a whole book on her. She was unimpeachable in every aspect for me. It took me a complete 8 years to propose her. I am not sure whether she liked it or not, but as the title of this story suggests you might already be guessing the outcome of it. I have started writing just because she was an inspiration and most probably it's the last time I am writing. Yes, I am quitting my profession for which I got so many accolades. It's not because I lost interest or she did any wrong to me. Maybe I feel if you have started something taking someone as your inspiration it won't continue to have the same effect if that person is not there with you. That magic in my writing will not be there and it will be ineffective or fruitless.

Let's start from the day when I proposed her.

It was my birthday, like every year the whole night, I waited for that one call from her. Mike knew about my feelings and he also knew I had given her(Sherry) enough hints to know that I love her.

Mike - She ain't be calling you mate.

Me - I know, maybe she forgot my birthday.

    Shall I keep my WhatsApp status on my birthday??? She might see and call me.

Mike- It's really tough for me to understand you Watty. If she liked you, she would have remembered your birthday and messaged you.

Get over her. 

Me - I know bud, but don't know why I am trying.

Mike - You are fucking crazy !!!!

Me - Mike, Can I ask you something??

Mike - Yes, and stop being so formal.

Me -  How do you feel when you are sitting as a pillion when your dad is riding the bike ???

Mike - What kind of absurd question is that???

Me - Just answer me mate, do you have any sort of feeling when your father is riding the scooter or bike and you are sitting behind.

Mike - No. why???

Me - You don't have any kind of insecurity when your father rides the bike, you trust him a lot, and probably you also know there is a minimal chance of falling down.

Mike - Yes, because he is my dad and he doesn't want me to get hurt probably that's the reason why he rides with that much precision.

Me- Yes, and in life, a girl always wants a person whom she can trust just like the way she trusts her dad. For Sherry, I want to be that person. I want to make her believe that you can trust me, I would never let you fall. I want to be her driver.

I want to make her feel that irrespective of what problems she will face just like her dad, I would always be there for her. I want to take that responsibility from her dad. She is so fragile and delicate she needs me.

Mike - You and your theories.

Me - Mike, probably that is the reason why I am trying for the last 8 years. She deserves me more than anyone else.

Mike- Get over her. You deserve a better one.

Those very words from Mike pierced my heart. I was drunk and I slept. The pillow had seen me sobbing most of the time because of my introvert nature. Perhaps, that night also the drill got repeated. In the morning the calls started flowing, everybody wished me but I was waiting for that one call and it didn't come. There was also no sign of any messages from her.  At 1.00 PM  my phone rang and trust me I was happy, it was her. She wished me and we started talking about random things. Meanwhile, I was so much full of my emotions that I apparently proposed her in the most awkward way.

Me -  I think I should stop giving efforts on you.

Sherry- Efforts?? What efforts Watty?

Me - I always loved you Sherry from day one. I never told you but I have given you enough hints.

Sherry- What are you saying bud???

Me - Yes, Sherry I love you. I know I am not a proper match for a beautiful girl like you but one thing I know,  I love you and I will make you happy in every possible way.

Sherry - Hmm.

Me - I know people might have proposed you in so many ingenious ways and you might like those approaches but I am not in a position to make you feel special now. My emotions are hefty now for me.

Sherry - Hmm ( I could literally feel her breath)

I could understand she was not having a good space with me now,  therefore I dropped the call.

I was so unsure of what I had done, I called my mom and told her everything. She was also in a state of quandary and was not able to console me. Literally, saying I was in a space that I had no one to help. All I wanted is someone to listen to me. I had no idea what exactly I had done. I wanted to live my entire life with her, probably for that reason, I had told her everything and maybe that has pissed her off.

Next 10 days there was no sign of her calls or messages and I didn't have the grit to call or message her. I was sure that I am not her league. I won't be elaborating those 10 days as it was too difficult for me to overcome. On the 11th day  I got a call from her it was midnight and trust me we spoke for 3 hours. Those were the best 3 hours of my life. I was no more an introvert in that call. I told her everything that I had dreamt of. All the crazy stuff we can do if we were together. I also told the crazy stuff I did for her in these 8 years. Apparently, my craziness made her smile and I was contented.

I wanted to go to Manchester with her to see the Manchester derby at Etihad Stadium.  I wanted to take her to Norway where we can see the Northern lights.  I wanted to hold her hands and take her to Milford sound in New Zealand. Yes, all of these were in my bucket list and everything is possible if I have her beside me.

These seemed to be out of the box for her but I was damn serious about it. I seriously wanted to enjoy every moment with her. I don't know why I always felt she is so special to me that she deserves to be loved more. I loved everything about her. Her eyes, those bunny teeth which she fine-tuned using braces, her impeccable smile, those lovely feet.

After listening to my bucket list she literally cried and that was the last thing I wanted her to do.  My throat was literally paining because I had never spoken that much in my entire life. Those 3 hours I can't forget anyway.

The frequency of chatting in WhatsApp after this 3 hours call has increased. I was living in my la-la land where I was the king of that ecstatic Kingdom. I was sure that if destiny has worked for so many years for us, it would definitely work this time also.  We almost spoke for 5-6 days like we were meant for each other. But my fate has never been so supportive to me. During childhood, if I used to crave something, I would never get that and I had to settle to the things which were of comparatively lesser worth. It always used to happen for me and how come this wheel of misfortune will change. One night I got a call from her that was a brief call.

Sherry- Hey how are you?

Me - I am good. Tell me how is everything going?

Sherry - I have to tell you something.

Me -  Yeah go on. ( I could sense the calmness before the arriving storm)

Sherry - Watty, my marriage has been fixed and I tried to break that from my end but my parents didn't get convinced.

Me - Okay, so what you want me to do. Shall I wait for you?

Sherry- No Watty, I don't think it's better to wait. My destiny is with him I guess. Let's end up.

I didn't utter a word and hung the call.

I used to think earlier heartbreaks are cliche and overhyped but trust me heartbreaks are the toughest thing to face. I had never experienced that in my entire life. The next few days were so poignant and deplorable that I could never imagine. I lost appetite and my nose started bleeding for some unknown reasons. I was going through the miserable phase of my life but I never pinged her and let her know about my situations. I was so feeble that I didn't have the power to do anything. I started isolating myself from the entire world and it had adverse effects on me. My sleep clock has totally changed, I hardly used to sleep for 3 hours. You will be so lost that you won't be having any patience to introspect.

Its been 2 months since that episode happened and I hardly spoke to her twice. I promised I won't be talking to her and even stalk her in any forum as I know she is happy with her decision. We can't just make someone fall for us. I tried and I was not successful but still, I tried. My life has always been like that, I fail and I learn. Maybe she is not destined for me. I hope one day she just gets to learn that I deserved one chance.

If that chance would have worked then we would have got the chance to enjoy the peanut butter and bread as a part of midnight cravings. Would have enjoyed the Friday night beers in the balcony. Would have enjoyed those Christopher Nolan's movie in theatre having those caramel popcorns. But I will always be thankful to her because she was very sorted about her decisions. She didn't want me in her life and she was blunt enough to say that. If she would have stretched, I would have been in a more miserable phase. She was so firm that she took that decision and never looked behind. It really takes balls to have this attitude and I learned this from her.

Hope she reads the blog someday and ping me one day and says Dear Watson, I want to be with you.

I know my wheel of misfortune that won't work for me ever but still as they say hope is a beautiful thing, never stop hoping for good things.